Unwanted Voices: Part Three

It is Valentine’s Day. The voices demand something sweet for (and from) your sweetheart. They remind you that a treat is a measure of devotion. The voices and a heart-shaped box of chocolates convey a deeply conditioned, conspiratorial message: food is love. Sweet food, and lots of food are the best kind of love.

It begins at the beginning. As infants we depend on loving adults to provide food for our needs. We learn from the earliest moments that love and nourishment come as a package deal. It starts with the basics of food as survival, and evolves quickly into food as a treat. “I baked your favorite cookies.” “Great report card, let’s stop at Dairy Queen.” “What kind of cake do you want for your birthday?”

As we grow into adulthood, food is entwined with courtship, and the identity of eating and affection grows stronger yet. In our early years, Lyle and I not only saw eating as a shared pleasure, but relished the chance to share special foods. On emerging from a long hike, we gravitated to beer and ice cream. Dinner out was usually a ”supreme" deep-dish pizza: large, split two ways. We relished the rush of eating to excess, and enjoyed the mildly stimulating guilt that resulted. We gleefully observed all the candy festivals, from Halloween through Easter, and gifts to one another were often packaged in sugar.

Thirty years older and wiser, we have (with great effort and many false starts) re-defined the link between our love and food. Connecting over a single beer has become a daily ritual that we honor and appreciate. Going out to eat means vegetarian thin-crust pizza: small, split two ways. Ice cream is a monthly indulgence, and a single scoop or small sundae fills our need for a treat. A small, quality chocolate dessert for Valentines’s Day replaces the giant Costco pie designed for a family reunion. Best of all, our love for one another has evolved into mutual support for taking the moderate road, rather than serving as an excuse to throw wise choice to the winds.

Food and love are, indeed, connected on Valentine’s Day, and for the rest of the year as well. As love matures, it recognizes that food is not only an important source of short-term pleasure but also the key to long-term health and well-being. True love looks to the long term and chooses the balance accordingly. The voices can, with time and persistence, be persuaded to agree.

Until the next time, go well.

Pam
www.wellbuddies.com