A recent message from my buddy Wes occupies an honored place in the sticky-gallery on my computer: “How we deal with failure is far more defining than how we deal with success.” Like all of us some of the time, he had come through a tough week. Good intentions had evaporated in the heat of reality; the effort to meet everyone’s needs had fallen short of meeting them well. The story is universal; it is the human condition. How, then do we define our response?
Setbacks and challenges come from all directions. Some originate within; they are traits and habits that trip us up and prevent our progress. I call them demons. Years ago, I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead. As I recall, the spirit journeys through death on its way to rebirth. The path is guarded by demons, described in terrifying detail. The only way out is to engage the demons and move forward into the next life. Likewise, our personal demons demand attention. Failure, while painful and intimidating, shows us much about ourselves. Those insights allow us to engage our demons, to disarm them, and to be transformed into a better self.
Other challenges arise as external circumstances; they block our path. I call them dead ends. Given the season, envision a corn maze. The maze is laid out as a game with paths that work and those that don’t. Only by trial and error do we find the route that is open from end to end. If we walk the maze repeatedly, we learn from experience and navigate the intersections with confidence; we bump into fewer dead ends and complete the journey with ease. Likewise, setbacks on our life journey provide critical information about the route and the knowledge we need to navigate more smoothly in the future.
Setbacks do not feel good at the time. We are goal oriented and want to make the trip from beginning to end without a hitch. We may get frustrated and angry--with ourselves and with our circumstances. We may be tempted to give up. Or, we may choose to engage, and to celebrate the chance to learn once again from experience.
Name the demons and dead ends you have recently encountered. How have you responded? How might you re-frame failure as learning? Which personal traits have given you trouble, and what are strategies to engage and disarm those traits the next time? What are the environmental realities, and how might you design a route that finds the open way?
Setbacks and challenges come from all directions. Some originate within; they are traits and habits that trip us up and prevent our progress. I call them demons. Years ago, I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead. As I recall, the spirit journeys through death on its way to rebirth. The path is guarded by demons, described in terrifying detail. The only way out is to engage the demons and move forward into the next life. Likewise, our personal demons demand attention. Failure, while painful and intimidating, shows us much about ourselves. Those insights allow us to engage our demons, to disarm them, and to be transformed into a better self.
Other challenges arise as external circumstances; they block our path. I call them dead ends. Given the season, envision a corn maze. The maze is laid out as a game with paths that work and those that don’t. Only by trial and error do we find the route that is open from end to end. If we walk the maze repeatedly, we learn from experience and navigate the intersections with confidence; we bump into fewer dead ends and complete the journey with ease. Likewise, setbacks on our life journey provide critical information about the route and the knowledge we need to navigate more smoothly in the future.
Setbacks do not feel good at the time. We are goal oriented and want to make the trip from beginning to end without a hitch. We may get frustrated and angry--with ourselves and with our circumstances. We may be tempted to give up. Or, we may choose to engage, and to celebrate the chance to learn once again from experience.
Name the demons and dead ends you have recently encountered. How have you responded? How might you re-frame failure as learning? Which personal traits have given you trouble, and what are strategies to engage and disarm those traits the next time? What are the environmental realities, and how might you design a route that finds the open way?
Our choices in the face of failure define the depth of our character, the quality of our journey, and the likelihood of our reaching the destination we desire.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
1 comment:
Interesting to have a bad week, note that nothing went well, and come out of the challenges with a quote on your blog which I list as a success. The world works in mysterious ways.
2nd note: I love mazes period. Corn mazes are a way to get outside and do the thing I like in a more participatory way. I will always think of your analogy as other challenges come up.
--Wes--
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