Jim Loehr is one of my favorite authors. I have often returned for encouragement to his book, The Power of Full Engagement (co-authored with Tony Schwartz). Loehr advocates for the premise that energy, not time, is the limiting factor in reaching optimal levels of health, happiness, and productivity.
Loehr’s newer work, The Power of Story, provides both a metaphor and a means for making changes in our lives. He envisions our lives as stories: the stories we believe, the stories we tell others, and the stories we tell ourselves. He then challenges us to confirm that our stories are effective; that they lead in the direction we intend. He sets forth three key ingredients for any effective story: Purpose, truth, and action. Let’s begin with purpose.
According to Loehr, all effective stories have a clear purpose: They are intended to inform, to entertain, to frighten, to enlighten. Every chapter, every sentence, every word drives the reader toward that purpose. Effective lives also have a clear purpose: They are intended to succeed, to achieve, to learn, to serve. Every thought, every plan, every action drives the individual toward that purpose.
Do we know where we want to go? Do our lives have a clear purpose? Most of us have some general answers to the question. Do those answers reach into the depths, where we discover what is most important? Why indeed do we get up in the morning and engage the day? What do we do out of passion and joy? How would we spend our time if earning a living were not an issue? Is there a value that we would die for? Are we living as if it mattered?
Our most compelling sense of purpose typically reaches beyond ourselves. We find meaning in contributing, in helping, in making a difference. While pursuing the value of caring for others and for causes, we may tell a contrasting story about caring for ourselves. It is unworthy. It detracts from our mission. It is an indulgence.
Loehr challenges us to recognize that self-care, far from detracting from our purpose, provides the essential fuel for achieving it. Self-care ensures that we have the physical energy to nurture, the mental strength to help, the emotional resilience to persevere, and the inner peace to confront challenges with competence and calm.
What is your central reason to live? How is it going? Are you tempted to work longer and harder, to jam more into your life? Step back. Challenge that story; try out a different one. Can you reconcile self-care with caring for others? Can you equate personal well-being with meaningful contribution? If you find that connection a challenge, there are plenty of examples in The Power of Story. Check it out.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Promises to Keep
“I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.” When I sat down to write this morning, that memorable line from Robert Frost came to mind. It is a perfect starting point for the reflection I want to share with you this week.
It is Lent. For Christians, the six weeks before Easter are a time of purification leading to the sacred events at the center of their faith. We often observe Lent by choosing a habit to change for that period of time. It may not be an especially bad habit, but it is usually one to which we are especially attached. The difficulty adds value to the spiritual practice.
Robert Frost and the Christian calendar; what do they have in common? The common theme is promise. Promises we make. Promises we make to ourselves.
Whenever we take on a difficult lifestyle change—losing weight, adding exercise, getting enough sleep, building in reflection, managing our calendars—we start making promises. We will go to the gym tomorrow. We will abstain from dessert at the pot luck. We will set two alarm clocks to make sure we don’t fall back to sleep. We will honor that hour of white space on our calendar, no matter what else comes up.
We typically make those promises in the privacy of our own minds. We often break them when the moment comes. What’s the harm? No one knows.
The harm is in the lesson we are teaching ourselves. Every time we set an intention and break it, we teach ourselves that we can’t be trusted. We engrave the lesson on our minds: “I am lazy.” “I have no will power.” “I am too tired.” “I don’t have the time.” “It is selfish to take care of myself.” The more we repeat those phrases, the more deeply we believe them. They undermine our ability to keep the next promise we make.
Customer service experts advise businesses to “under-promise” and over-deliver.” The same message is valid for our internal promises. Set good intentions carefully. Make sure you have a compelling reason to take action now. Look hard at the down side: what do you give up in order to move ahead? Is it worth it? Are you ready? No? Stop! Don’t go there. Re-frame your intention to encompass something you really want and believe you can do now.
Where in your life are you teaching (and learning) an unintended lesson? It’s never too late to start over. Backspace. Undo. Escape. Teach carefully. Learn a lesson that builds credibility within your own mind. Choose the intention wisely. Set realistic goals that you can fulfill with confidence. Don’t make and break them lightly.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
It is Lent. For Christians, the six weeks before Easter are a time of purification leading to the sacred events at the center of their faith. We often observe Lent by choosing a habit to change for that period of time. It may not be an especially bad habit, but it is usually one to which we are especially attached. The difficulty adds value to the spiritual practice.
Robert Frost and the Christian calendar; what do they have in common? The common theme is promise. Promises we make. Promises we make to ourselves.
Whenever we take on a difficult lifestyle change—losing weight, adding exercise, getting enough sleep, building in reflection, managing our calendars—we start making promises. We will go to the gym tomorrow. We will abstain from dessert at the pot luck. We will set two alarm clocks to make sure we don’t fall back to sleep. We will honor that hour of white space on our calendar, no matter what else comes up.
We typically make those promises in the privacy of our own minds. We often break them when the moment comes. What’s the harm? No one knows.
The harm is in the lesson we are teaching ourselves. Every time we set an intention and break it, we teach ourselves that we can’t be trusted. We engrave the lesson on our minds: “I am lazy.” “I have no will power.” “I am too tired.” “I don’t have the time.” “It is selfish to take care of myself.” The more we repeat those phrases, the more deeply we believe them. They undermine our ability to keep the next promise we make.
Customer service experts advise businesses to “under-promise” and over-deliver.” The same message is valid for our internal promises. Set good intentions carefully. Make sure you have a compelling reason to take action now. Look hard at the down side: what do you give up in order to move ahead? Is it worth it? Are you ready? No? Stop! Don’t go there. Re-frame your intention to encompass something you really want and believe you can do now.
Where in your life are you teaching (and learning) an unintended lesson? It’s never too late to start over. Backspace. Undo. Escape. Teach carefully. Learn a lesson that builds credibility within your own mind. Choose the intention wisely. Set realistic goals that you can fulfill with confidence. Don’t make and break them lightly.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Spring Cleaning: More than Dust Bunnies
Last week, we talked about the energy that comes with spring. Because the days are getting longer, even the inevitable snow showers and cold snaps are releasing their hold on the landscape. We are carried by the irresistible force of nature towards green hills, birds, and flowers. That’s what spring is all about!
Well, maybe not “all” that it’s about. Most of us grew up with yet another seasonal tradition: spring cleaning. For my mother’s generation, spring meant scrubbing the house from stem to stern. Furniture was moved, dust bunnies hunted down and exterminated. Windows were washed…and floors…and walls. Smooth cotton linens replaced fuzzy flannel.
My own version of the ritual is somewhat less dramatic and much less thorough. I do enjoy dusting and vacuuming, opening the windows and wiping off the grime. I love the practice of swapping clothes from one part of the closet to another, and I take satisfaction from purging the collected clutter and heading for the thrift shop.
This year, I have also been thinking of spring cleaning in a broader context: examining my calendar, budget, habits, and to-do list. I have been evaluating the contents of my inbox and Facebook news feed. I have noticed the multiple pages that appear when I open a browser. I have been observing my daily, weekly, and monthly patterns with a critical eye. What am I doing “just because”? Where am I ready to move on? How do I want to invest the new energy that comes with more sun?
The box for the thrift shop went out yesterday. I hope the bargains inside add enjoyment to someone’s life. The calendar, the budget, the in-box, and the to-do list are slimming down and changing too. I am making room in my life as well as in my closet--room in my mind as well as my house--room to welcome the next unexpected gift from the Universe with an open heart, rather than groaning inside and wondering “What will I do with THAT?”
What excess baggage are you carrying around? What would you like to pass along to someone who would enjoy it more? What habits are no longer serving you well? What commitments have you outgrown, and which commitments have outgrown your capacity to fulfill? What would it feel like to free up an hour, two, or three a week by challenging past choices? Or what would you do differently with the $20 that pays for something you no longer need?
Happy spring cleaning, and go well.
Pam
Well, maybe not “all” that it’s about. Most of us grew up with yet another seasonal tradition: spring cleaning. For my mother’s generation, spring meant scrubbing the house from stem to stern. Furniture was moved, dust bunnies hunted down and exterminated. Windows were washed…and floors…and walls. Smooth cotton linens replaced fuzzy flannel.
My own version of the ritual is somewhat less dramatic and much less thorough. I do enjoy dusting and vacuuming, opening the windows and wiping off the grime. I love the practice of swapping clothes from one part of the closet to another, and I take satisfaction from purging the collected clutter and heading for the thrift shop.
This year, I have also been thinking of spring cleaning in a broader context: examining my calendar, budget, habits, and to-do list. I have been evaluating the contents of my inbox and Facebook news feed. I have noticed the multiple pages that appear when I open a browser. I have been observing my daily, weekly, and monthly patterns with a critical eye. What am I doing “just because”? Where am I ready to move on? How do I want to invest the new energy that comes with more sun?
The box for the thrift shop went out yesterday. I hope the bargains inside add enjoyment to someone’s life. The calendar, the budget, the in-box, and the to-do list are slimming down and changing too. I am making room in my life as well as in my closet--room in my mind as well as my house--room to welcome the next unexpected gift from the Universe with an open heart, rather than groaning inside and wondering “What will I do with THAT?”
What excess baggage are you carrying around? What would you like to pass along to someone who would enjoy it more? What habits are no longer serving you well? What commitments have you outgrown, and which commitments have outgrown your capacity to fulfill? What would it feel like to free up an hour, two, or three a week by challenging past choices? Or what would you do differently with the $20 that pays for something you no longer need?
Happy spring cleaning, and go well.
Pam
Sunday, April 3, 2011
April Showers: What do they Bring?
I am so ready to welcome April…yes, even its showers! March in my life was a test, from beginning to end. I don’t know, or really care right now whether I passed the test. I am ready to turn over the calendar and start the new month.
One morning this week, I woke up to clouds in the valley. That is a common sight in Missoula (a recent news article cited ours as the 10th cloudiest city in the Lower 48). I sighed, added one more gray day to the cumulative tally, and went on with business. Later on, I had a chance to drive out into the country. When I opened the car door, I could smell spring! I could smell fresh, damp earth. When I looked closely, I saw there was no longer a sheet of ice sealing the ground. I could almost envision a little green tinge to the tan hillside. I felt a surge of joy.
For the first time, I really believed. At a visceral level, I responded to the change of seasons. The date on the calendar didn’t do it for me. Daylight Saving time didn’t do it. A reflexive response to sensory input convinced me: it is time to start anew.
New Year’s Day. First Day of School. These and other dates and seasons offer rituals that trigger list-making, fresh starts, and resolutions for a better life. I have not typically viewed spring as one of those times. Those of you like Frank, Jim, and Mari who are gardeners, know how to celebrate. Buy seeds. Till. Plant. April showers bring May flowers. Those of us who are not gardeners may see this as the wet, muddy, brown season between lovely white and iridescent green.
I am a convert! Not to gardening necessarily, but to spring. I am ready for the rain. I am ready for the mud. I am ready for the lighter clothing. I am ready to phase out of skis and ease into hiking boots. Goodbye treadmill, hello trail. It has been a long and beautiful winter. It is time for something else.
Spring does not mean marking time between the “better” seasons, but has a charm worth celebrating in its own right. That charm means tomorrow might be winter again. To celebrate in its own right.
What does this season mean for you? What rituals do you practice? Do you buy and plant seeds? Rake the garden? Take a Spring Break trip? Enjoy spring skiing by heading up the hill until every last patch of white is gone?
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
One morning this week, I woke up to clouds in the valley. That is a common sight in Missoula (a recent news article cited ours as the 10th cloudiest city in the Lower 48). I sighed, added one more gray day to the cumulative tally, and went on with business. Later on, I had a chance to drive out into the country. When I opened the car door, I could smell spring! I could smell fresh, damp earth. When I looked closely, I saw there was no longer a sheet of ice sealing the ground. I could almost envision a little green tinge to the tan hillside. I felt a surge of joy.
For the first time, I really believed. At a visceral level, I responded to the change of seasons. The date on the calendar didn’t do it for me. Daylight Saving time didn’t do it. A reflexive response to sensory input convinced me: it is time to start anew.
New Year’s Day. First Day of School. These and other dates and seasons offer rituals that trigger list-making, fresh starts, and resolutions for a better life. I have not typically viewed spring as one of those times. Those of you like Frank, Jim, and Mari who are gardeners, know how to celebrate. Buy seeds. Till. Plant. April showers bring May flowers. Those of us who are not gardeners may see this as the wet, muddy, brown season between lovely white and iridescent green.
I am a convert! Not to gardening necessarily, but to spring. I am ready for the rain. I am ready for the mud. I am ready for the lighter clothing. I am ready to phase out of skis and ease into hiking boots. Goodbye treadmill, hello trail. It has been a long and beautiful winter. It is time for something else.
Spring does not mean marking time between the “better” seasons, but has a charm worth celebrating in its own right. That charm means tomorrow might be winter again. To celebrate in its own right.
What does this season mean for you? What rituals do you practice? Do you buy and plant seeds? Rake the garden? Take a Spring Break trip? Enjoy spring skiing by heading up the hill until every last patch of white is gone?
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
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