I want to maintain a healthy weight over the holidays. I want to hold an open house. I want to mail holiday letters early. I want to enjoy the family gathering at Aunt Tillie’s house. These sound like great goals. They fit within my top priorities and support my core holiday values. What could be wrong with this picture?
All of these goals are large. They are vague. They encompass a timeframe a month or more in length. They describe outcomes. These goals are good intentions that point in the right direction, but they will not pave the road to happy holidays. A plan for success calls for setting goals that are small and specific, fit within the coming week, and identify actions we take to move toward desired outcomes. Our long-term vision of happiness must be broken down into steps that are do-able.
Many of us worry about chubbing-up over the holidays. I want to maintain my current weight, and may dream of dropping another pound or two. What will I do this week to support that outcome? First, I will check my calendar for social occasions centered on food. (Aren’t they all, this time of year?) I will envision the day of the holiday lunch in detail. I’ll plan what to eat that morning for breakfast, what to snack on mid-morning, and what I will have in the evening—emphasizing healthy, low-calorie options for most of the day. I will then decide how to manage the lunch itself, including beverage, main course, dessert. If I need to buy fruit or oatmeal or a chicken breast the weekend before, I will plan those actions as well. I will make and follow a checklist for taking the steps I have planned.
We certainly don’t want to approach every aspect of holiday life with the level of detail described above. Many of us hold a core value of celebrating in the moment, without all the structure and discipline we strive for the rest of the year. On the other hand, outcomes tied to core values may be worth the effort of detailed planning.
If I want to enjoy Aunt Tillie’s family gathering, what will it take to deal with thorny relationship issues differently this time? What steps can I take to improve the experience? If am stressed by last-minute mailings, it helps to list all the steps—write the letter, make copies, print photos, buy envelopes, order return-address labels, get stamps, update the address book, and schedule several chunks of time to writing personal messages, folding, stuffing, and licking. If I want to finish early, how do I define early, and what do I do when?
What small steps will you take next week, toward holiday outcomes that mean the most to you?
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Holiday Survivor: Reasons for the Season
The most intense concentration of winter holidays cluster in the six weeks between Thankgiving and New Years. They also center on the Winter Solstice, the day with least sun and most darkness for those of us in the northern hemisphere. Why do we gather now to celebrate our deepest religious convictions, express love and generosity, give thanks, and begin anew?
Winter is a season of challenge for life forms ranging from algae to alligators, hedgehogs to humans. Virtually the entire web of life depends upon the sun for energy, transformed by plants into food for animals and so on up the food chain. During the time of year that sun is most scarce, the living world has reason for collective concern. Our ancestors in the far north developed ceremonies that bid farewell to the sun and reminded it to return in spring. Even today, we know that mood can be affected by darkness and recent headlines declare that no one gets enough Vitamin D, the “sunshine vitamin in winter.
Outside of the tropics, winter is also a season of cold. Plants die or go dormant with freezing temperatures. Animals migrate or hibernate or shift their strategies to deal with lack of warmth and food. Humans layer on the clothes, crank up the heat, and make travel plans for Arizona, Florida, and the Caribbean.
It is no coincidence that we have generated traditions that generate festivity and celebration in mid-winter, when we need it most. This is just the right time to give thanks for our blessings,including the fruits of fall harvest. It is a perfect time to remember our most inspiring beliefs and to connect with our source of meaning and purpose. And, as the darkest day comes and goes, we are enlivened by optimism. The sunlight is returning...and we declare a New Year. Because we are a social species, we share these experiences of gratitude, faith, and renewal with those we love the most.
Last week you named three core holiday values--your personal reasons for the season. What worked well with actions you committed to take this week? What did you learn about the challenge of setting priorities and keeping promises to yourself? What three actions do you want to take next week? How will you strengthen the likelihood of success? Consider sharing your experiences here, in support of wellbuddies with similar challenges.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Winter is a season of challenge for life forms ranging from algae to alligators, hedgehogs to humans. Virtually the entire web of life depends upon the sun for energy, transformed by plants into food for animals and so on up the food chain. During the time of year that sun is most scarce, the living world has reason for collective concern. Our ancestors in the far north developed ceremonies that bid farewell to the sun and reminded it to return in spring. Even today, we know that mood can be affected by darkness and recent headlines declare that no one gets enough Vitamin D, the “sunshine vitamin in winter.
Outside of the tropics, winter is also a season of cold. Plants die or go dormant with freezing temperatures. Animals migrate or hibernate or shift their strategies to deal with lack of warmth and food. Humans layer on the clothes, crank up the heat, and make travel plans for Arizona, Florida, and the Caribbean.
It is no coincidence that we have generated traditions that generate festivity and celebration in mid-winter, when we need it most. This is just the right time to give thanks for our blessings,including the fruits of fall harvest. It is a perfect time to remember our most inspiring beliefs and to connect with our source of meaning and purpose. And, as the darkest day comes and goes, we are enlivened by optimism. The sunlight is returning...and we declare a New Year. Because we are a social species, we share these experiences of gratitude, faith, and renewal with those we love the most.
Last week you named three core holiday values--your personal reasons for the season. What worked well with actions you committed to take this week? What did you learn about the challenge of setting priorities and keeping promises to yourself? What three actions do you want to take next week? How will you strengthen the likelihood of success? Consider sharing your experiences here, in support of wellbuddies with similar challenges.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Holiday Survivor: Reflect and Project
As we look forward through November and December, many of us are daunted by demands of the season. We wonder whether we can balance the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual dimensions of holiday observance without veering off center and toppling.
I would like to explore that challenge together in coming weeks, borrowing a title from the popular TV reality show, Survivor. Here we are, stranded on an idyllic island we variously call Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Black Friday, Eating Season, and the Winter Solstice. Although life on the island promises happiness, it often delivers less than we hope for.
I suggest that we enhance our holiday enjoyment by reflecting and projecting. Let’s reflect for a moment on our past experience, and project the lessons we have learned before onto the weeks ahead. (A few open moments, pen, and paper are helpful for this exercise.)
Quiet your mind, take 5 deep breaths, and ask yourself: “What are some of my favorite memories of holidays over the years? What happened, and what details do I remember most fondly?” List the holiday experiences, activities, and traditions that have meant the most to you.
Is religious observance a part of your list? What about decorating the house? Family gatherings? Baking? Do you love selecting perfect gifts for everyone on your list? Charitable giving or volunteer work? What about sending letters and cards? Do you live for parties, and enjoy entertaining? I suspect the complete list is a long one.
Now, take a harder look at the list and pare it down from “good” to “best.” If you could choose only three holiday traditions to feature this year, what would rise to the top? Why are they he most important for you? What underlying values do they represent? Is family most important? Inner peace and spiritual focus? Social connections? Physical health and energy?
Let’s position those three core holiday values at the center of your seasonal commitment. Name one action you will take next week for each core value. Perhaps you will engage daily in spiritual reading. Spend an afternoon writing the annual holiday letter. You might research options for family snow play. Run with a buddy. Put the actions on a calendar. Commit.
Many of your upcoming holiday events and activities will not fit within the top three values you have listed. That’s OK. However, if you have clearly identified your deepest values and highest priorities, those are more likely to come first when challenged by the rest. If they come first, you will emerge on the other end of December, satisfied that you not only survived the holiday season, but thrived. I look forward to celebrating success in the New Year.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
I would like to explore that challenge together in coming weeks, borrowing a title from the popular TV reality show, Survivor. Here we are, stranded on an idyllic island we variously call Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Black Friday, Eating Season, and the Winter Solstice. Although life on the island promises happiness, it often delivers less than we hope for.
I suggest that we enhance our holiday enjoyment by reflecting and projecting. Let’s reflect for a moment on our past experience, and project the lessons we have learned before onto the weeks ahead. (A few open moments, pen, and paper are helpful for this exercise.)
Quiet your mind, take 5 deep breaths, and ask yourself: “What are some of my favorite memories of holidays over the years? What happened, and what details do I remember most fondly?” List the holiday experiences, activities, and traditions that have meant the most to you.
Is religious observance a part of your list? What about decorating the house? Family gatherings? Baking? Do you love selecting perfect gifts for everyone on your list? Charitable giving or volunteer work? What about sending letters and cards? Do you live for parties, and enjoy entertaining? I suspect the complete list is a long one.
Now, take a harder look at the list and pare it down from “good” to “best.” If you could choose only three holiday traditions to feature this year, what would rise to the top? Why are they he most important for you? What underlying values do they represent? Is family most important? Inner peace and spiritual focus? Social connections? Physical health and energy?
Let’s position those three core holiday values at the center of your seasonal commitment. Name one action you will take next week for each core value. Perhaps you will engage daily in spiritual reading. Spend an afternoon writing the annual holiday letter. You might research options for family snow play. Run with a buddy. Put the actions on a calendar. Commit.
Many of your upcoming holiday events and activities will not fit within the top three values you have listed. That’s OK. However, if you have clearly identified your deepest values and highest priorities, those are more likely to come first when challenged by the rest. If they come first, you will emerge on the other end of December, satisfied that you not only survived the holiday season, but thrived. I look forward to celebrating success in the New Year.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Sunday, November 8, 2009
One Hundred Miles of Opportunity
Last weekend, I remembered again why I am such a proud mom. For the second year in a row, my son Jonathan entered a hundred-mile endurance run. For the second year in a row, according to official results, he “did not finish.” As he described it the first time, “I want to run an ultra, and this one fits my schedule. Maybe 100 miles is longer than I can run now, but I can run as much of it as I want.”
Why am I so proud? I am proud that Jonathan is mature enough at 25 years of age to envision an ambitious goal, to train for that goal, and to test himself in a very public setting. He let us all, family and friends, know about his venture. He shared the outcome with us all, happily and without apology after choosing when to end the quest. Last year he finished 45 miles; this year he finished 62 miles (100 kilometers). This year, he was also awarded an impressive silver belt buckle. Even race organizers acknowledge that “Plan B” is far better than no plan at all.
Jonathan likes to stretch himself and to aim beyond assured success. He likes to run for hours, and enjoys participating in group events. He wants to succeed. He would like to win. He is also mature enough to know and to accept when his body and spirit are expended. He is willing to stop at that point, adjust his definition of success, and celebrate the results--whatever they are. He enjoys the support of family, friends, and a new fiancée. We celebrate with him, recognizing the achievement of traversing 62 miles of desert, on foot, in 17 hours.
The goals we set for ourselves take many forms: they range from seemingly impossible dreams to small daily and weekly steps, around which we are more confident of success. The dream or vision sets the course; the smaller steps take us there. I like to think of the larger vision as the opportunity. Our training and effort determine how much of that opportunity we achieve in a given month, year, or decade of our lives. I offer the opportunity to learn, with my son, that achievements heading in the direction of our dreams are the stuff of success and celebration.
What is your most ambitious goal? What did you do in the past month to take you there, and how are you celebrating your progress? What will you do next week to take you further? Share your past success and future intent with others: strengthen your commitment by making it public.
Resist the temptation to think in terms of failure. Embrace the vision of testing, adjusting, and continuing from year to year. Life is indeed a marathon (or an ultra) not a sprint.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Fall Back, Reflect, Play it Again
As I work with people who want to live more effective lives, I am impressed with the role of reflection in personal growth. This weekend, as we turn back the clocks in adjusting to winter’s darker days, I am inclined to use that ritual as a reminder to reflect. This one day of the year, we have a chance to re-live one hour in a miniature time warp. We are drinking our morning coffee. The clock says seven. Voila! The clock says six. How do we want to spend that hour now, using the insights we gained from living it the first time?
Reflection is the act of stepping back from direct experience and viewing it from a distance. With a different perspective, we can see ourselves from the outside and observe our thoughts, feelings, and choices as if they belonged to someone else. We can ask ourselves questions that allow us to probe more deeply, understand more clearly, and learn from experience. We can chart a new course that enables us to try new approaches to opportunities and challenges.
As we charge toward winter, I find myself reflecting on lessons I have learned year after year with seasonal change. It is a big deal for me! As I noted already in September, the urge to hunker down, eat more carbs, and conserve energy is stronger than the excitement of getting up, out, and about. Reflection also reminds me that a structured approach to eating and exercise in the short term can get me through this tight spot and lead to enjoyable, sustainable, health-happy winter habits in a month or so. I have learned that active is better than passive in navigating the transition of November into the holidays.
What has helped you maintain a commitment to wellness through seasonal changes in the past? What is the key to your strategy for success this year? Given the chance to play it again, what will you do to take a cue from past successes and setbacks?
When the time came to share my wellness journey more widely, I chose Reflections as the name for this weekly journal. The reflections of others trigger exploration for me, and I trust the same is true for you. In sharing, we expand our search and the discoveries of our buddies reflect off our own. I encourage you to share your reflections with one another using the wellbuddies blog.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
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