On July 4, 1776, the Second Continental Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence. That document affirmed “certain unalienable rights,” including the right to pursue happiness. We grew up with that phrase, but how often do we ask what it means? How often do we exercise that right in our daily lives?
Happiness, like energy, is an elusive target. We want it (the more the better). We think we will know it when we see it. However, when asked to describe it, we falter. The answer is often framed as an absence of suffering. We understand suffering.
I have enjoyed reading several books this year that challenge us to understand happiness. One of those is FLOW, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
FLOW is a state of profound engagement in which time stops and we are captured by the richness and depth of the moment. FLOW finds that sweet spot between boredom and anxiety in which the challenge we face balances perfectly with our capacity to meet the challenge. FLOW takes action for its own sake, not as a means to a future goal. Star athletes, champion chess players, accomplished musicians, and participants in extreme sports experience FLOW. So can we.
Attention to the moment and its intrinsic value gives us a good start. Activities that exercise our skills at their highest level take us further down the path. Improving those skills, so that their limits increase and our delight expands in turn, generates even more potential for FLOW. Skills come in many forms: athletic, artistic, culinary, intellectual, interpersonal, organizational, and many more. We are programmed to seek and to find joy wherever we grow.
FLOW describes happiness as a state of being, not a goal. FLOW can be described. It can even be pursued, but only in the present moment—not in the future. What skills do you most enjoy using? Have you stretched them recently? This July 4, exercise the rights upon which our nation was founded—go out and pursue some happiness.
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Four Faces of Energy
A few weeks ago, we explored the challenge of maintaining and renewing personal energy. Human energy arises from a complex array of dynamics. In The Power of Full Engagement, Loehr and Schwartz describe four dimensions of energy: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
Physical energy gets us to up in the morning and keeps us moving and alert until we go to bed. It is the foundation of human energy, but does not on its own provide enough impetus to power an effective and enjoyable life.
Emotional energy charges us to engage our fellows. Emotions can generate either negative or positive energy. Negativity is debilitating; it views others as threatening, and triggers the primitive responses of flight or fight. Positive emotion energizes; it reaches out to others with love, and engages their differences in creative and constructive ways. A life charged with positive emotion is rich with fulfilling relationships.
Mental energy enables focus and conscious optimism. When mental energy is high, we can manage our thoughts to serve our values and needs. We are confident in overcoming setbacks and dealing with the unexpected. When we are mentally depleted, we see ourselves as victims. Our thoughts run amok, pulling us in a hundred directions and damaging our ability to focus on the important. A life fueled by mental energy is like a train on track, heading smoothly toward its destination.
Spiritual energy reaches beyond the self and its needs, infusing life with purpose and inspiration. Spiritual energy fires us up to expand our horizons—to dream, to give, and to serve. A life enkindled by purposeful ideals can rise above petty conflicts and short-term irritations to seek and advance a greater good. It is like a bird or a plane, soaring for the horizon.
Reflect on your own energy. Which dimensions of energy are strongest for you, and which could benefit from greater capacity? Loehr and Schwartz move beyond these concepts to provide practical approaches for enhancing each dimension. Stay tuned. More is coming.
Until the next time, be well.
Pam
Physical energy gets us to up in the morning and keeps us moving and alert until we go to bed. It is the foundation of human energy, but does not on its own provide enough impetus to power an effective and enjoyable life.
Emotional energy charges us to engage our fellows. Emotions can generate either negative or positive energy. Negativity is debilitating; it views others as threatening, and triggers the primitive responses of flight or fight. Positive emotion energizes; it reaches out to others with love, and engages their differences in creative and constructive ways. A life charged with positive emotion is rich with fulfilling relationships.
Mental energy enables focus and conscious optimism. When mental energy is high, we can manage our thoughts to serve our values and needs. We are confident in overcoming setbacks and dealing with the unexpected. When we are mentally depleted, we see ourselves as victims. Our thoughts run amok, pulling us in a hundred directions and damaging our ability to focus on the important. A life fueled by mental energy is like a train on track, heading smoothly toward its destination.
Spiritual energy reaches beyond the self and its needs, infusing life with purpose and inspiration. Spiritual energy fires us up to expand our horizons—to dream, to give, and to serve. A life enkindled by purposeful ideals can rise above petty conflicts and short-term irritations to seek and advance a greater good. It is like a bird or a plane, soaring for the horizon.
Reflect on your own energy. Which dimensions of energy are strongest for you, and which could benefit from greater capacity? Loehr and Schwartz move beyond these concepts to provide practical approaches for enhancing each dimension. Stay tuned. More is coming.
Until the next time, be well.
Pam
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Own the Change You Want to Make
“People don’t resist change; they resist being changed.” That saying is one of my favorites from a year of coach training. I find it a helpful insight both when I want others to change and when I consider my own desire to build new habits. Whether we want to lose weight, increase exercise, or manage stress it is important to frame that change in a way that makes it our own.
People who engage a wellness coach often begin the conversation, “My doctor tells me I need to….fill in the blank.” A few weeks ago, we talked about the down-side of fear as a motivator, and fear is often an undercurrent in doctors’ advice. In addition, we tend to resist when others try to make us change. The more intense the pressure, the more we resist. We resist doctors. We resist parents. We resist children. We resist spouses and partners (perhaps most of all).
Another variation on the same theme is our choice of words—in particular, the word “should.” I really should stop smoking. I should get up earlier so I can work out before other things get in the way. I should just stop eating cookies because I can never stop at one. I should bring my lunch instead of eating fast food. “Should” implies that some higher and more virtuous authority is telling me what to do. A sentence that begins with “should” often ends with “but I don’t really want to,” or “but I never seem to get around to it.”
An important shift occurs when we take charge of our own goals, and dig deep to find our own reasons for making difficult changes. What do YOU really want? What will YOU feel like when you are trimmer and fitter? How do YOU want to spend your golden years? Do YOU want to be active and energetic? Do YOU want to be focused and productive? Do YOU want to enjoy being in family photos instead of ducking out when the camera appears?
Watch for phrases that imply that a good intention is someone else’s idea; it will most likely remain a good intention. Practice re-framing your words to make the intention your own, and it will most likely become a reality.
Until the next time, be well.
Pam
People who engage a wellness coach often begin the conversation, “My doctor tells me I need to….fill in the blank.” A few weeks ago, we talked about the down-side of fear as a motivator, and fear is often an undercurrent in doctors’ advice. In addition, we tend to resist when others try to make us change. The more intense the pressure, the more we resist. We resist doctors. We resist parents. We resist children. We resist spouses and partners (perhaps most of all).
Another variation on the same theme is our choice of words—in particular, the word “should.” I really should stop smoking. I should get up earlier so I can work out before other things get in the way. I should just stop eating cookies because I can never stop at one. I should bring my lunch instead of eating fast food. “Should” implies that some higher and more virtuous authority is telling me what to do. A sentence that begins with “should” often ends with “but I don’t really want to,” or “but I never seem to get around to it.”
An important shift occurs when we take charge of our own goals, and dig deep to find our own reasons for making difficult changes. What do YOU really want? What will YOU feel like when you are trimmer and fitter? How do YOU want to spend your golden years? Do YOU want to be active and energetic? Do YOU want to be focused and productive? Do YOU want to enjoy being in family photos instead of ducking out when the camera appears?
Watch for phrases that imply that a good intention is someone else’s idea; it will most likely remain a good intention. Practice re-framing your words to make the intention your own, and it will most likely become a reality.
Until the next time, be well.
Pam
Sunday, June 7, 2009
A Celebration of Buddies
I am writing Reflections early this week, because on Sunday I will be running instead of writing. Jane, Ann, and I have been training since winter for the Deadwood Mickelson Trail Half Marathon. It will be our third as a threesome. I want to spend a few minutes today in their honor, celebrating the power of partners in having fun as well as success on the wellness journey.
Jane and I have been virtual running buddies for almost eight years. We met at a meeting, and got to talking about marathons. We had each run one. Slowly. We had the same shoe size. Extra large. Our running stories are filled with modest goals, small celebrations, and what I like to call “a human scale.” We lived far apart, but we started to e-mail daily about our training, our aspirations, and our setbacks. We shared tips on hydration, fueling, and clothing. We gradually expanded into family, work, and spirituality. All that time, we have been running together in spirit across the miles. Our few runs-together-in-the flesh have spanned the states of Wyoming, Alaska, Montana, Utah…and now, South Dakota. I celebrate Jane.
Ann and I have been buddies for more than three years. We worked together, and talked about running. We both loved to run. She asked me to run with her. I said no. I run slowly…more slowly than anyone can imagine. I am self-conscious. She insisted. We have been through two marathons (hers) and halfs (ours and mine). We have worked our way through body parts, learning new terms like: piriformis, plantar fascia, abductor, adductor, TFL, Achilles, and sacroiliac. We have run long miles talking about work and family, victories and challenges. We have solved problems and laughed at our foibles. On a human scale. I celebrate Ann.
Buddies are people we can be real with. We can admit our shortcomings and confide our hopes and know that we are safe. When we feel safe, we can both extend our reach and accept our limitations. We can set goals and meet them. Or not. We can get better and age gracefully. We can have a blast every step of the way.
Who are your buddies? Have you given them a hug recently? Do it now.
Until the next time, be well.
Pam
Jane and I have been virtual running buddies for almost eight years. We met at a meeting, and got to talking about marathons. We had each run one. Slowly. We had the same shoe size. Extra large. Our running stories are filled with modest goals, small celebrations, and what I like to call “a human scale.” We lived far apart, but we started to e-mail daily about our training, our aspirations, and our setbacks. We shared tips on hydration, fueling, and clothing. We gradually expanded into family, work, and spirituality. All that time, we have been running together in spirit across the miles. Our few runs-together-in-the flesh have spanned the states of Wyoming, Alaska, Montana, Utah…and now, South Dakota. I celebrate Jane.
Ann and I have been buddies for more than three years. We worked together, and talked about running. We both loved to run. She asked me to run with her. I said no. I run slowly…more slowly than anyone can imagine. I am self-conscious. She insisted. We have been through two marathons (hers) and halfs (ours and mine). We have worked our way through body parts, learning new terms like: piriformis, plantar fascia, abductor, adductor, TFL, Achilles, and sacroiliac. We have run long miles talking about work and family, victories and challenges. We have solved problems and laughed at our foibles. On a human scale. I celebrate Ann.
Buddies are people we can be real with. We can admit our shortcomings and confide our hopes and know that we are safe. When we feel safe, we can both extend our reach and accept our limitations. We can set goals and meet them. Or not. We can get better and age gracefully. We can have a blast every step of the way.
Who are your buddies? Have you given them a hug recently? Do it now.
Until the next time, be well.
Pam
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