Own the Change You Want to Make

“People don’t resist change; they resist being changed.” That saying is one of my favorites from a year of coach training. I find it a helpful insight both when I want others to change and when I consider my own desire to build new habits. Whether we want to lose weight, increase exercise, or manage stress it is important to frame that change in a way that makes it our own.

People who engage a wellness coach often begin the conversation, “My doctor tells me I need to….fill in the blank.” A few weeks ago, we talked about the down-side of fear as a motivator, and fear is often an undercurrent in doctors’ advice. In addition, we tend to resist when others try to make us change. The more intense the pressure, the more we resist. We resist doctors. We resist parents. We resist children. We resist spouses and partners (perhaps most of all).

Another variation on the same theme is our choice of words—in particular, the word “should.” I really should stop smoking. I should get up earlier so I can work out before other things get in the way. I should just stop eating cookies because I can never stop at one. I should bring my lunch instead of eating fast food. “Should” implies that some higher and more virtuous authority is telling me what to do. A sentence that begins with “should” often ends with “but I don’t really want to,” or “but I never seem to get around to it.”

An important shift occurs when we take charge of our own goals, and dig deep to find our own reasons for making difficult changes. What do YOU really want? What will YOU feel like when you are trimmer and fitter? How do YOU want to spend your golden years? Do YOU want to be active and energetic? Do YOU want to be focused and productive? Do YOU want to enjoy being in family photos instead of ducking out when the camera appears?

Watch for phrases that imply that a good intention is someone else’s idea; it will most likely remain a good intention. Practice re-framing your words to make the intention your own, and it will most likely become a reality.

Until the next time, be well.

Pam