Cooler, Darker, Busier: It Must Be Fall

According to the paper, bears are eating 20 hours a day, storing up fat to last through the winter. Seated comfortably at the kitchen table, I find myself following suit. There is a powerful urge to eat more carbs, eat more fats, and fill to overflowing. The paper also notes that sun arrives here at 7:30 am and departs at 7:30 pm. Maybe that is why I find it so hard to wake up early for reflection or exercise, and why I lurch into the day groggy and unfocused.

Autumn is a spectacular season, and a favorite for many of us. Clear days with a crisp nip around the edges generate energy. Turning colors are brilliant against deep blue skies. The harvest is ripe, and farmers' markets abound with colors and tastes to savor and put away for later. Autumn is also, however, a time of transition, and transitions call for re-calibrating our expectations.

The seasons provide a convenient framework for reflection and anticipation. With the solstice and the equinox, we have a chance to look back, learn from, and celebrate the season that is coming to a close. We can also look ahead to what in our lives is changing, and develop strategies to adjust where needed. Students, teachers, and parents struggle to meet the demands of school and sports. Hunters scout the territory and sort their gear. Football fans consume weekend meals around tailgates. Plants are setting seed and birds are migrating.

What does the transition into fall look like in your life? Are you challenged to re-mix your workouts in the face of new schedules and less daylight? Do body and soul crave comfort food while mind and conscience struggle to meet that craving without bulking up? Does your schedule favor pizza-on-the-run over five servings of fruits and veggies? Are you overwhelmed by action and starved for reflection? You are not alone—these themes echo in conversations across the season, from brewpubs to Facebook.

Consider a broad range of strategies for adapting to the challenges of fall. Join a gym. Dust off the treadmill. Pull out yoga tapes. Buy some tights and a turtleneck. Engage a buddy in pre-dawn workouts. Keep a food log to eat mindfully and make wiser choices. Prepare and pre-package food on the weekend to offset a fast-food default during the week. Capture small gaps in the flow for reflection or reading—waiting for a child’s piano lesson, stopping at a coffee shop instead of driving through.

Transitions are times of disruption, and they are times of growth. We can hold our breath and wait for it all to pass, or we can fire up the spirit of adventure. Make the choice, and energy will follow.

Until the next time, go well

Pam

Dancing Around the Edges of Change

Your younger brother has a stroke. Your best friend is diagnosed with diabetes. Your doctor mentions, again, that your numbers are iffy: LDL, HDL, BMI, and CRP; systolic, diastolic.

You watch it all go by as if it were just another reality TV show. Somehow you sense that this is a story about you, but you don’t really want to think about it. You don’t have time. You’re too young to have issues. You are too old to change.

James Prochaska at the U of Rhode Island has identified five stages of readiness for change. He labels the stage described above, “pre-contemplation.” Although aware of potential issues in this stage, you don't intend to change in the foreseeable future.

Pre-contemplators come in various shades of “no.” Some are reluctant to try new habits; they are attached to the status quo. Others rebel against the implication that someone else might force them to act differently. Energy is a limiting factor for those who are simply overwhelmed by their problems. People who argue that the doomsday prophets are over-reacting, and that circumstances don’t apply to them, attempt to rationalize their resistance.

Studies reveal a common thread in working with those who resist change despite the evidence. The most effective starting point, in many cases, is empathy--deep understanding and profound respect for one’s emotions and experiences. Empathy can be powerful whether it comes from another (friend, family, professional) or from within. William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick at the U of New Mexico have studied addictive behaviors. They find that a significant predictor of progress among addicts a year after entering treatment is the expression of sincere empathy during the intake interview.

Empathetic understanding reveals, “all of us are doing our best, even when we’re not.” We gain energy, confidence and motivation from calm, non-judgmental acceptance and respect.

What would it look like to respect our loved ones and ourselves—just the way we are—even in light of compelling reasons to change? Might accepting “what is” open the door to a better future? Science says it could. What about giving it a try?

Until the next time, go well.

Pam

Time and Art 2: Paint it, Crop it, Frame it

The best part about launching an analogy is the response from those who live the underlying reality. I enjoyed comments on the whitewater analogy by two rafting guides and a whitewater kayaker. I also appreciated an artist friend’s observation on “Time and Art: Frame it and Paint it.”

Melisse recounted how awful it is to be given a canvas and frame and asked to fill the space. The frame-it-and-paint-it phrase gave her the willies. Though I had my own reasons for that sequence at the time, I found it enlightening to reframe the analogy with broader horizons.

My friend suggests an alternative model: “Paint it, Crop it, and Frame it.” That sequence enables the artist to explore a theme without preconceived borders…to let the colors and shapes flow with the spirit. After unrestrained expression has run its course, a boundary can be created that responds to and honors the creative process rather than confining it in advance.

So, how does that apply to the art of designing time? It is morning; I am looking ahead to the day, figuring out what to do when. I celebrate the blank-canvas calendar free of commitments. However, I am also tempted to fit in everything under the sun. I want to work out, to visit with a friend, to write a letter, and to work on my business plan. I want to wash the floor and weed the garden. Take a nap and go shopping. Cook and watch a movie. The options tend to overflow on such a day, and I am paralyzed by the effort to fit the painting into a 24-hour frame.

Melisse offers the option of sketching the pattern over a larger scale, swirling colors together to see how they look in combination, and only then imposing a frame. First expand the options, then trim around the edges to fit within limits.

How does that work for you? The things you want to do next week exceed the time available. That’s OK: paint them anyway. After taking a broader view, priorities emerge more clearly and elements that don’t fit well this time can be incorporated into the next scene.

I wish you the joy of relating to life and time as a work of art. May it always be beautiful as the shapes, tints, and shades evolve from hour to hour and year to year.

Until the next time, paint well.

Pam

A Wedding and A Funeral

Within a 10-day span, I attended the wedding of dear friends and watched the Kennedy funeral on television. Events such as these are sacred, in part, because they call us to celebrate the best and look past the rest.

A wedding looks forward with promise. It calls upon the love of two people to last, to hold them together in committed partnership. The Scripture read at this wedding reminded us that love is patient and kind; it is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable. It never gives up. Its faith, hope, and patience never fail. In marriage, we promise to stay through better and worse, richer and poorer, sickness and health, ‘til death do us part.

A funeral looks backward when, at some point, death has indeed parted us. The celebration of life at a funeral calls to mind a person’s virtues, tenderness, and sense of humor. Person after person lauded Ted Kennedy for his commitment and perseverance. He never gave up on causes that he believed in. He let go of life reluctantly, as the work was yet unfinished. Differences, no longer relevant, were set aside as friends and rivals alike remembered the good. Flaws and setbacks faded into the background.

Both weddings and funerals are occasions for hope. They focus on the best we have to offer, whether looking forward to a lifetime of shared experience or looking back. They acknowledge future and past tough times, and they affirm that tough times are given us to transcend and transform.

Life’s journey, love’s journey, our own journeys: they are all about focusing on what is important and putting the rest in perspective. They are about hanging in there for better and worse. They are about promise and perseverance and getting up after falling down.

Imagine the end of your life. Loved ones are gathered. How do you want to be remembered? Do your choices today align with your deepest intent? Is it time to renew your vows?

Until the next time, go well.

Pam