Dancing Around the Edges of Change

Your younger brother has a stroke. Your best friend is diagnosed with diabetes. Your doctor mentions, again, that your numbers are iffy: LDL, HDL, BMI, and CRP; systolic, diastolic.

You watch it all go by as if it were just another reality TV show. Somehow you sense that this is a story about you, but you don’t really want to think about it. You don’t have time. You’re too young to have issues. You are too old to change.

James Prochaska at the U of Rhode Island has identified five stages of readiness for change. He labels the stage described above, “pre-contemplation.” Although aware of potential issues in this stage, you don't intend to change in the foreseeable future.

Pre-contemplators come in various shades of “no.” Some are reluctant to try new habits; they are attached to the status quo. Others rebel against the implication that someone else might force them to act differently. Energy is a limiting factor for those who are simply overwhelmed by their problems. People who argue that the doomsday prophets are over-reacting, and that circumstances don’t apply to them, attempt to rationalize their resistance.

Studies reveal a common thread in working with those who resist change despite the evidence. The most effective starting point, in many cases, is empathy--deep understanding and profound respect for one’s emotions and experiences. Empathy can be powerful whether it comes from another (friend, family, professional) or from within. William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick at the U of New Mexico have studied addictive behaviors. They find that a significant predictor of progress among addicts a year after entering treatment is the expression of sincere empathy during the intake interview.

Empathetic understanding reveals, “all of us are doing our best, even when we’re not.” We gain energy, confidence and motivation from calm, non-judgmental acceptance and respect.

What would it look like to respect our loved ones and ourselves—just the way we are—even in light of compelling reasons to change? Might accepting “what is” open the door to a better future? Science says it could. What about giving it a try?

Until the next time, go well.

Pam