Tomorrow, April 26, is a big day on the calendar for me. On that date in 1984, our son Jonathan arrived in the world. On the same date in 2009, the first issue of Reflections was published. Both experiences represent a birth. In giving birth, we bring from deep within the fruits of who we are and how we connect with the world.
A newborn is the culmination of two lifetimes by people who connect with one another. On the way to physical birth, we draw from our core genetic identities and nurture a child growing within. During pregnancy, we share the caring and feeding normally intended for ourselves alone. The sharing by parents with their new child is an outgrowth of their combined health and well-being, love and generosity, patience, and faith in the future.
I find that writing has much in common with childbirth on those many levels. Each week in sitting down with the laptop, I draw on the experience of a lifetime. I reflect on deep and rich connections with other people, daily experience, reading, and listening to the inner Spirit. In offering these words, I expand the scope of personal reflections and make them available to others. I hope to share from the store of health and well-being, love, generosity, patience, and faith in the future with which I have been entrusted.
Kahlil Gibran writes in The Prophet:
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
My writing is not my writing. My thoughts are not my thoughts. They come through me but not from me.
Each of us is continuously giving birth. We bring forth the depth, experience, and connections of a lifetime, and offer them to others in our words and deeds.
How do you see this process at work in your own life? Who are the children of midlife for you? What is Life asking that you pass along for the benefit of all?
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
www.wellbuddies.com
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Midlife Makeover: Balance and the Mind
We know a lot about the body. We are much less certain about the mind. What is this strange creature that observes itself thinking, feeling, and acting? Is it all in the brain? In the hormones? In the ether? All of the above? Does it matter?
I have a new favorite book: Buddha’s Brain, by Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius. The authors combine their training in neurology, neuropsychology, and personal meditation practice to bring fresh perspective to the question of mind.
We know that the brain drives our behavior; we are less aware that behavior can change the brain. Neural pathways that generate perceptions and desires are strengthened by repeated use. The brain is more inclined to choose food if we habitually overeat. It goes to straight to anger if we do so often. It opens to optimism if we practice seeing the glass half full.
Balancing the mind calls for an optimal combination of stimulation and focus. Evolution has favored brains that constantly scan the environment for threats. Those who remained alert, watching and listening for predators, survived; those who slept soundly or focused on one task at a time were eaten. This primitive bias is an advantage when driving on a freeway. It is a liability when writing an article, completing the project at hand, or listening to a troubled friend.
As humans we can watch ourselves as we think, choose and act. We can use our observations to build new habits over time. Which patterns will we reinforce and which ones will we seek to weaken? What is the best personal balance between stimulation and calm for each of us? Do we want more capacity for focus, or less inclination to boredom? Do we want to act more quickly, or to look longer before we leap? Neither end of the spectrum meets all our needs, and each of us seeks a different tipping point.
Hanson proposes that, in today’s environment, we often wish for more calm and focus than we currently manage. I find that is true for me. How about you? Buddha’s Brain explores the practice of meditation, training the brain to be less reactive and more at peace. Try it out!
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
www.wellbuddies.com
I have a new favorite book: Buddha’s Brain, by Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius. The authors combine their training in neurology, neuropsychology, and personal meditation practice to bring fresh perspective to the question of mind.
We know that the brain drives our behavior; we are less aware that behavior can change the brain. Neural pathways that generate perceptions and desires are strengthened by repeated use. The brain is more inclined to choose food if we habitually overeat. It goes to straight to anger if we do so often. It opens to optimism if we practice seeing the glass half full.
Balancing the mind calls for an optimal combination of stimulation and focus. Evolution has favored brains that constantly scan the environment for threats. Those who remained alert, watching and listening for predators, survived; those who slept soundly or focused on one task at a time were eaten. This primitive bias is an advantage when driving on a freeway. It is a liability when writing an article, completing the project at hand, or listening to a troubled friend.
As humans we can watch ourselves as we think, choose and act. We can use our observations to build new habits over time. Which patterns will we reinforce and which ones will we seek to weaken? What is the best personal balance between stimulation and calm for each of us? Do we want more capacity for focus, or less inclination to boredom? Do we want to act more quickly, or to look longer before we leap? Neither end of the spectrum meets all our needs, and each of us seeks a different tipping point.
Hanson proposes that, in today’s environment, we often wish for more calm and focus than we currently manage. I find that is true for me. How about you? Buddha’s Brain explores the practice of meditation, training the brain to be less reactive and more at peace. Try it out!
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
www.wellbuddies.com
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Midlife Makeover: What is Midlife Anyway?
I love transitions. They have a unique energy for me.
Over a long career with many moves, I always looked forward to a new job, a new house, and new surroundings. I also enjoyed the opportunity to walk away from some unresolved issues, to leave unwanted baggage at the thrift store with the old couch, and to set aside patterns of thought and behavior that were not serving me well.
I loved the endings and beginnings. I still do.
In my new role as a wellness coach, I enjoy supporting others as they navigate from one life stage to another. I find myself describing the process of transition as a “midlife makeover. “ When I recently decided to offer a class through the local adult education program, I called it “Midlife Makeover: Health and Life Balance after 50.”
The tagline referring to age generated interesting reactions, especially among those in my circle who do not yet qualify for AARP. Those responses have triggered me to re-think the concept of "midlife." Is it really about being 50? Is it the mathematical midpoint between birth and our best guess of a lifespan? Is it over the hill? Let’s consider a different view.
Midlife: "in the midst of living." Carried along by the flow of our lives, whitewater and calm water alike. In motion. Work in progress. Letting go and reaching forward. Tapping energy. Seeing with fresh eyes. Fully engaged. Re-booting our systems. Thinking and feeling more clearly. Recycling.
What does midlife mean for you? How would you portray this time in your life as an opportunity for re-making choices, keeping those that work well and discarding the rest?
I am looking for a different and more expansive tagline. Help!
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
www.wellbuddies.com
Over a long career with many moves, I always looked forward to a new job, a new house, and new surroundings. I also enjoyed the opportunity to walk away from some unresolved issues, to leave unwanted baggage at the thrift store with the old couch, and to set aside patterns of thought and behavior that were not serving me well.
I loved the endings and beginnings. I still do.
In my new role as a wellness coach, I enjoy supporting others as they navigate from one life stage to another. I find myself describing the process of transition as a “midlife makeover. “ When I recently decided to offer a class through the local adult education program, I called it “Midlife Makeover: Health and Life Balance after 50.”
The tagline referring to age generated interesting reactions, especially among those in my circle who do not yet qualify for AARP. Those responses have triggered me to re-think the concept of "midlife." Is it really about being 50? Is it the mathematical midpoint between birth and our best guess of a lifespan? Is it over the hill? Let’s consider a different view.
Midlife: "in the midst of living." Carried along by the flow of our lives, whitewater and calm water alike. In motion. Work in progress. Letting go and reaching forward. Tapping energy. Seeing with fresh eyes. Fully engaged. Re-booting our systems. Thinking and feeling more clearly. Recycling.
What does midlife mean for you? How would you portray this time in your life as an opportunity for re-making choices, keeping those that work well and discarding the rest?
I am looking for a different and more expansive tagline. Help!
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
www.wellbuddies.com
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Midlife Makeover: Balance and the Soul
I find it meaningful to think of life balance in terms of body, heart, mind, and soul. Physical well-being provides a foundation; emotional health connects us with others; mental clarity enables us to focus; spiritual energy guides us toward the purpose and value of our lives. I usually take them in order, ending with the soul. This is, however, a holy week on the Christian calendar. It is a week for reflecting on our deepest insights about the meaning and importance of life.
Midlife can be a time of spiritual transition and expansion into new ways of seeing. We typically start out in life by defining success in terms of roles. As students, we strive for good grades, social popularity, and athletic achievement. As workers, we pursue income and benefits, promotion, responsibility, and recognition. In family roles, we value the health and happiness of partners and children, siblings and parents. We also play roles as volunteers, as learners, as leaders, as activists—each with its own standard of success.
The time comes, however, when we ask: What is the purpose behind the purpose? We look deeper: What does it mean to be happy? We find that inner peace arises from accepting what is, not from getting our way. Unconditional love brings more happiness than forcing others to meet our needs. We stop to enjoy the beauty of a sunset…or to listen, really listen to a loved one, without debating the validity of their viewpoint or reacting from the depths of self-interest.
We spend our lives building a self-concept out of successes and failures—at work, at home, on the athletic field, in the classroom. We are good musicians and terrible cooks, great hostesses, abysmal skiers, and the list gets longer with the years. In midlife we may seek to shed that list and to raise our sense of self and life purpose to a higher level: We live. We love. We enjoy. We accept. We appreciate. We are present.
Check out the following link to an article about the mother of my friend Bridget. Her lifelong journey toward meaning is an inspiration. www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/84283712.html
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
www.wellbuddies.com
Midlife can be a time of spiritual transition and expansion into new ways of seeing. We typically start out in life by defining success in terms of roles. As students, we strive for good grades, social popularity, and athletic achievement. As workers, we pursue income and benefits, promotion, responsibility, and recognition. In family roles, we value the health and happiness of partners and children, siblings and parents. We also play roles as volunteers, as learners, as leaders, as activists—each with its own standard of success.
The time comes, however, when we ask: What is the purpose behind the purpose? We look deeper: What does it mean to be happy? We find that inner peace arises from accepting what is, not from getting our way. Unconditional love brings more happiness than forcing others to meet our needs. We stop to enjoy the beauty of a sunset…or to listen, really listen to a loved one, without debating the validity of their viewpoint or reacting from the depths of self-interest.
We spend our lives building a self-concept out of successes and failures—at work, at home, on the athletic field, in the classroom. We are good musicians and terrible cooks, great hostesses, abysmal skiers, and the list gets longer with the years. In midlife we may seek to shed that list and to raise our sense of self and life purpose to a higher level: We live. We love. We enjoy. We accept. We appreciate. We are present.
Check out the following link to an article about the mother of my friend Bridget. Her lifelong journey toward meaning is an inspiration. www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/84283712.html
Until the next time, go well.
Pam
www.wellbuddies.com
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