Promises to Keep

“I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.” When I sat down to write this morning, that memorable line from Robert Frost came to mind. It is a perfect starting point for the reflection I want to share with you this week.

It is Lent. For Christians, the six weeks before Easter are a time of purification leading to the sacred events at the center of their faith. We often observe Lent by choosing a habit to change for that period of time. It may not be an especially bad habit, but it is usually one to which we are especially attached. The difficulty adds value to the spiritual practice.

Robert Frost and the Christian calendar; what do they have in common? The common theme is promise. Promises we make. Promises we make to ourselves.

Whenever we take on a difficult lifestyle change—losing weight, adding exercise, getting enough sleep, building in reflection, managing our calendars—we start making promises. We will go to the gym tomorrow. We will abstain from dessert at the pot luck. We will set two alarm clocks to make sure we don’t fall back to sleep. We will honor that hour of white space on our calendar, no matter what else comes up.

We typically make those promises in the privacy of our own minds. We often break them when the moment comes. What’s the harm? No one knows.

The harm is in the lesson we are teaching ourselves. Every time we set an intention and break it, we teach ourselves that we can’t be trusted. We engrave the lesson on our minds: “I am lazy.” “I have no will power.” “I am too tired.” “I don’t have the time.” “It is selfish to take care of myself.” The more we repeat those phrases, the more deeply we believe them. They undermine our ability to keep the next promise we make.

Customer service experts advise businesses to “under-promise” and over-deliver.” The same message is valid for our internal promises. Set good intentions carefully. Make sure you have a compelling reason to take action now. Look hard at the down side: what do you give up in order to move ahead? Is it worth it? Are you ready? No? Stop! Don’t go there. Re-frame your intention to encompass something you really want and believe you can do now.

Where in your life are you teaching (and learning) an unintended lesson? It’s never too late to start over. Backspace. Undo. Escape. Teach carefully. Learn a lesson that builds credibility within your own mind. Choose the intention wisely. Set realistic goals that you can fulfill with confidence. Don’t make and break them lightly.

Until the next time, go well.

Pam