Life Lesson: Learned Optimism

In the last issue of Reflections, when suffering from a virus, I was looking for a silver lining or a lesson to be learned from my misery. Several of each have emerged with the surge of warm and helpful responses from many of you. Buddies, friends, family, and “fans” sent good wishes and helpful advice by e-mail, blog posts, and Facebook comments. I was delighted and healed by chicken soup in so many forms.

Rest. Take care of yourself. Drink fluids. Be still. Re-assess your priorities. Stop. Curl up with a good book. Try watching this movie. Drink some more (tea, honey… whiskey!) Next time try zinc. Yes, chicken soup (thanks, Gail). Hope you feel better soon.

I drank, rested, and set aside the unimportant—which was almost everything. I also read. Scanning the shelf of treasures-in-waiting, I pulled down a book entitled Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman. The title held promise as viewed from the bottom of an emotional pit, and it was the perfect choice. Seligman is the father of “positive psychology.” He demonstrates with scientific data that happiness is good for us. And he shows how we can learn to be happier, even if we start out with gloomy genes.

Seligman attributes a certain degree of pessimism, to our inheritance. Some of us come pre-programmed to see the glass half empty. He does not stop there, thank goodness. We also learn to be pessimistic when experience tells us we cannot improve our situation. He calls that condition “learned helplessness,” and shows how it can be reversed. While ill, I felt helpless. After asking for help and receiving it, I learned a little about optimism.

One friend raised my eyebrow with the comment, “You’re always so in control of things, I never thought to offer any suggestions for dealing with your illness.” Lesson learned: ask for help. It is a gift to be able to help others. It is also a gift to let others help us. Our culture celebrates independence and self-reliance to a fault. When we insist on being self-sufficient all of the time, the network that connects us is weakened, and the instinct of our social species to reach out is squandered.

Many of you expressed hope that I would feel better soon. I did. Lesson learned: hope heals. Seligman describes how an optimistic view works within the brain to generate a chain reaction of hormones and a stronger, more aggressive immune system. On the other hand, the immune system of a person who has given up mentally may also give up physically.

How do you deal with setbacks in your life? Do you tough them out and wait for things to get better (or worry that they won’t)? Do you actively pursue options, drawing on lessons learned from past success? Do you ask for help, and accept it graciously when offered? It makes a difference. Hope heals!

Until the next time, go well

Pam
www.wellbuddies.com